Grief Is Messy


For  sometime now I have been asked or rather suggested by women I know to speak about the topic of grief. I have to say it’s a topic I have been reluctant to write about as grief is such a personal journey, it’s a raw and vulnerable place that we don’t always consciously choose to allow ourselves to dip into let a lone fully emerge ourselves In. It’s dark, it’s scary and it can be messy.

I recall a profound moment of awareness when I was standing in a church, next to my exhusband who was honouring and farewelling his mother. We were young, in our 20’s and I recall my horror when one of the pall bearers lifted my hand and put it on the coffin as it was leaving the service. I pulled my hand back quickly and recall thinking ” this is not my grief, this is my then husbands, I have no right to cry or show my vulnerability as I had to be strong to allow the space for the frontline grieves to be honoured.

At my young age I had somehow created a grief hierachi, heavens knows where that came from.

Grief is grief, it does not matter how close or distant, regardless if it be a relationship, an opportunity, an unborn child, a grown child, a parent, a pet, a job, a phase of life, grief is grief.

So how do we honour our truth, our authentic real raw journey with grief.

Write, journal, share all the layers.

What I have come to know is, grief comes in waves and those waves initially can be quite close together and then, with time there is greater space between them. Let me stop for a moment and speak about the risk of becoming disempowered by grief. There is a line between allowing grief and moving with the layers and the disempowered space of becoming victimised by our grief and whilst possibly this will be experienced by  us all,  we do want to move with it, not get stuck in it. This can happen when we deny its existence and do all that we can to avoid the feelings.  It takes courage and a clear intention to move with grief and it’s through this intention I have learned the gifts are revealed.

I was offered a beautiful empowering meditation to assist with my own grieving process that I would like to offer to you.

Create a quiet space that feels supportive for you, this could be a beautiful bath, out in a quiet place in nature or somewhere in doors, please  make sure you won’t be interrupted. You may want to have pen and paper or drawing materials to record your experience afterwards.

Closing  your eyes and connecting to your breath just simply noticing the in and out of breath.  Do this for for a few minutes to allow you to connect with the deeper part of yourself.

Imagine  you are standing, barefooted at the top of an earth path that leads down to a beautiful river. Standing  at the edge of the path are your guides and angels who are accompying you on your journey.

As you begin to walk down the path you notice how lovely and warm the earth feels beneath your feet, you also notice how lovely the air feels on your skin and how loved and supported you feel, take your time to walk your path,eventually  coming to the bank of a lovely clear river.

As you approach the edge of the river you notice a lovely comfortable place for you to sit with a clear view of the water.  You guides suggest you close your eyes and honour any feelings that are arising for you, all is welcome here, every aspect without judgement or need of change.

You gently breath and honour all that is present by simply allowing . You are guided to gently open your eyes and look into the clear shallow water of the river in front of you, there you notice some glistening flat stone and you notice something is written on these stones. As you reach in and retrieve each stone, one at a time, you notice a message is written on them clearly for you to see, the message is for you and only you, you notice the feelings the messages invoke as you retrieve and regathering each of the stones.

You gather the stones into a basket that sits besides you,taking your time here to gather all the stones , their is no need to rush.

Once  you have gathered all of your stones, you stand with your basket, your guides will assist you to carry your basket to the fire they have prepared for you.

Standing  or sitting by the fire you take one stone at a time, you re read the message and then gently release it on to the fire, repeating with each stone until your basket is again empty.

You watch as all the stones are heated by the fire and released back into the world leaving only the transformed remnants behind.

As you stay by the fire you notice how you are feeling and again you honour the truth of how you feel, with no desire to change anything.

Your guides now gently urge you to walk back up the earth path to where you first started your journey,again taking all the time you require.

At the top of your path you turn and thank your guides and they in turn honour and thank you for taking this journey.


Gently becoming aware of your body and where you are currently sitting or lieing in nature or your bath or room again,  bring your awareness to your breath  and when you feel ready, gently opening your eyes knowing all parts of you are fully integrated back to the here and now.

Now is the opportunity to write or draw your experience



I trust this meditation may assist you to allow your truth and honour your grief no matter how messy it may be.

with much love and abundant blessings,




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