Are you a loving, all embracing mother – in – law, or are you a monster – in – law?

Which of these we choose, has a huge effect, not only on our daughters in laws but also on our beloved sons.

I can vividly remember the night I discovered one of my sons had grown and become a man. I was devastated at the thought that I had lost him to another woman. Dramatic I know but that was how I felt until I realised I had a choice.

I could either go to war with the offending female, which was an instinctual response or I could choose to embrace her and therefore not put my son in a position of being between two women he cared about.

I reflected on my own experience of becoming a daughter in law and of not being embraced. This, non-conscious choice of my mother – in – law created an atmosphere of competition and “not good enough” which my then husband was stuck in the middle of and I believe he was deeply affected by not feeling he satisfying either woman. A terrible position for any caring man to be in. Because of that experience I decided I would never do that to my sons.

Like all parents I love my children unconditionally and therefore I support them in all they do, I don’t always agree, however I mostly keep that to myself and embrace their individually journeys and that includes choice in partners.

This of course has been tested with different girlfriends over the years however I was delighted to spend some time recently with my sons girlfriend, who is a delight and I experienced a feeling of relief and hand over if you like a realisation of there being  another woman who  loves my son almost as much as I do.

To those of you who have chosen to embrace your mother-in-lawness with the grace of the goddess I applaud you and those of you who are a little more like Jane Fonda in The movie Monster – in – law I encourage you to reconsider and stand beside your daughter- in law and enjoy the bliss that comes from knowing your sons are happy and loved.

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